my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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