do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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