i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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