I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
