Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
