I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
