Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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