we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
