I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Randomize
