Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
