Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
