If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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