I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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