I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
