I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
