My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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