ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize