In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
