We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I will be naked everywhere
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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