We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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