are you still at the devil's house?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
