just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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