I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
