I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
