Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
