Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
