Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
