We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
