Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
