So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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