The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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