I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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