I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I touched a dick in church today
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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