you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
