Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
