would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
