i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize