just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
