I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
