you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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