It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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