FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
