If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
