I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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