my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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