I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
