Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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