I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
