I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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