WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
