I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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