i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
