Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
