i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
