He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
