i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He better not be in your backpack
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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