So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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