I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
