yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
