apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
