Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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