I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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