At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
