can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
