you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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