Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
