I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
